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Diary of Dementia
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| auntbob |
Posted on 20-03-2008 23:18
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Posts: 265
Joined: 26.11.07
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I came home from work Wed. late. It was 7:15 and I had called to let Dave know that I was picking up a roasted chicken and bringing it home if they wanted to wait until about 7:30 to eat supper.
I walk in the back door and see Mom in the kitchen chopping cabbage with the biggest, sharpest butcher knife I own. And I can see instantly that she is UPSET.
"Mom, why are you chopping cabbage with a butcher knife?"
"Because that food processor is a piece of crap! It doesn't work. Won't even turn on!" As she tells me this, she is waving the knife at me and she is so angry she is shaking.
Taking the knife out of her hand, I say, "It's okay, Mom. I'll just take it back."
I ask her why she waited until just before I got home to start the coleslaw and she informed me that if the #%#%$#% processor had worked the way it was supposed to, she would have had it done before I ever walked in the door. Yeah, right. She didn't start that stuff until half an hour before I was due to walk in the door and I was late!
I convince her that the cabbage is chopped as finely as she's going to get it and she makes the sauce and mixes it up. Now, Mama only has her front teeth left (and they're broken and jagged because she has never owned a toothbrush in her life, let alone used one). She wanted the food processor so she could make coleslaw puree. She doesn't call it that, but that's pretty much what it would end up being.
So she has her chopped coleslaw and takes a bite. She then tries to chew it with her front teeth. This doesn't work very well. She is still chewing that same bite by the time I get the chicken out and plates down and the asparagus cooking in the microwave. She's working so hard at getting that bite chewed down, that pieces start falling out of her mouth through the gaps in her front teeth. I know that shouldn't be funny, but I start laughing.
"Mama, why don't you spit that out and get your pieces of chicken?"
She finds the 2nd biggest, sharpest knife in the drawer and uses it to rip that poor chicken apart. And she's still chewing. Bending over the chicken, most of what is left of the bite falls out of her mouth and she gets mad. She grabs that poor defenseless chicken leg and rips it out of the carcass, loses her balance and then has a pain in the back of her neck. She has a chicken leg in one hand, a serrated bread knife in the other and coleslaw spewing forth. I grab her from behind, steady her, take the knife away from her, help her place the chicken leg on her plate and guide her into the living room to her recliner.
I get her settled, give her an Advil for the pain she says is shooting through the back of her neck and go fix her plate for supper. Dave gets his plate and I put the food processor together the correct way and grind up the coleslaw. Once it's as mushy as the processor will make it, I take a small helping in to her and she is happy. The pains in her neck stopped about the time she heard me grinding the slaw.
Kathy is planning to make coleslaw for Easter dinner Sunday. I told her to put a portion of it into a blender. That's the way Mom likes it. |
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| kathy |
Posted on 21-03-2008 21:10
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Posts: 52
Joined: 23.10.07
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u lucky none of the cole slaw falling out of her mouth landed on your chicken. and as far as the knive lets say glad thing she can't see well or u or david mighted had a knive slice your throat or chest. |
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| kansaswolf |
Posted on 22-03-2008 14:03
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Posts: 403
Joined: 25.10.07
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Sorry, it's not REALLY funny, but your description DID make me giggle...  Wow...  |
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| Justin |
Posted on 23-03-2008 20:51
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Posts: 593
Joined: 02.10.07
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Well she didn't cut herself, so she's still doing better than I usually do when I'm around a knife |
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| auntbob |
Posted on 23-03-2008 20:58
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Posts: 265
Joined: 26.11.07
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It has been a VERY long day. I know from all those years working as a nurse's aide, disrupting an older person's schedule can cause problems. Mother likes to get up at the crack of dawn and then sleep in her recliner until 9 or 10 in the morning. We had to get up and get out to get over to Cindy's to get the ham in the oven. So we messed with her schedule plus she hasn't been out of the house in a month.
She was not much fun today. We tried to prepare ourselves for her "acting out" , but it was still really ....... tense? aggravating? frustrating? Pick an adjective -- as long as it's negative, it will probably fit. She got nasty over needing an aspirin for her chest pains that were hurting her left shoulder, and then had an accident in her depends and I had to go in the bathroom and help her and then clean up the stool when she was done! YUCK!!!!
After taking the aspirin I asked how the pains were, and she said they were gone. That's why she wanted the aspirin right away. I bit back from telling her that somehow, I didn't think the aspirin could work in less than five minutes.
We tried to tease and joke w/one another, but because she decided she did not feel well, she kept getting upset at us being mean to each other, or saying something she didn't understand, or not hearing what was going on ....... She kept complaining how she didn't feel well until Kathy left taking our Aunt Betty with her. Apparently, Mom felt threatened by Aunt Betty being there and getting attention. She kept interrupting Aunt Betty (who is almost as senile as Mom -- so it was great fun watching those two compete for attention) and trying to "out do" any story Aunt Betty tried to tell.
We're kinda used to that from the two of them, but I did feel sorry for Aunt Betty. Uncle Leonard just died New Year's Day and this was her first holiday without him and absolutely none of her immediate family thought to invite her to spend the Easter holiday with them. So the poor thing had to settle for us and then had to deal w/Mom being in a bad mood the whole day.
As soon as Kathy left with Aunt Betty, Mom started "feeling better". I gave up and decided it was best to just get her home. Thank goodness we took two vehicles. I was afraid I would have to leave early because of Mom. We got her into the truck, leaving David and Dan to load up all the leftovers and all the Easter baskets, and STUFF . They also got stuck stopping to drop off stuff for Aunt Betty and getting Mom's walker from Kathy. Mother and I had not gone a block when I asked, rather nastily I admit, "So Mom, How're ya feeling NOW?"
"Oh," she responds, "I started feeling better about half an hour ago. I'm fine now."
HEAVY SIGH. She was fine all the way home and has been in an excellent mood ever since.
I am SO NOT looking forward to Mother's Day. :u |
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| kathy |
Posted on 24-03-2008 14:50
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Posts: 52
Joined: 23.10.07
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why not? i'll try to be good |
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| auntbob |
Posted on 24-03-2008 20:23
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Posts: 265
Joined: 26.11.07
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I feel bad about venting so harshly last night. I write this stuff, hoping I will find something humorous in whatever I am ranting about. Obviously, I failed in that endeavor. Haven't really come up with anything remotely funny about yesterday. sigh.
It doesn't make it any easier when all I can do is wonder how much of her behavior she can control and how much is totally out of her control. Once I got her home and settled back down, she cleaned herself up and sat up with us most of the evening.
Tonight she is pretty cranky, but Dave says she did pretty well during the day. Maybe I just bring the nasties out in her.
Her wrestling is on tonight and, I can hear her in her room yelling at the TV. She's happy. |
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| kansaswolf |
Posted on 24-03-2008 23:25
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Posts: 403
Joined: 25.10.07
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Well, I thought the "old-lady-off" competition was kinda funny...
Yay for wrestling. My husband's watching some cage fighting as we speak, so he's pretty happy too... No yelling here, though, gotta let the kiddos sleep! They get cranky when their schedule is interrupted, too... |
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| kathy |
Posted on 25-03-2008 10:28
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Posts: 52
Joined: 23.10.07
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i thought it was funny when u got toilet duty it was u and not meheehee:e :e |
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| kathy |
Posted on 25-03-2008 19:08
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Posts: 52
Joined: 23.10.07
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my turn for toilet duty so far so good only had her streaking from the bathroom to her bedroom as soon as she got here but no mess in bathroom only heard how her finger hurt then she made it all the way to her toe hurting. |
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| auntbob |
Posted on 25-03-2008 19:52
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Posts: 265
Joined: 26.11.07
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That poor woman has more aches and pains than Johnson&Johnson has pills! Remember how we used to shudder whenever someone made the mistake of asking Mom how she was doing or how she was feeling? Mom would let 'em have it. Every ache and pain and discomfort she could think of. Mom is the only person I know who talks more about her bowel movements than she does about her children.
On the way home Sunday, we were talking about that coughing fit you had, Sis, and Mom said she thinks you'll die before she does. Then she says how she's lived a long good life so she doesn't really worry too much about her health and dying.
I almost swerved off the road! "Mom!" I said. "What about that fit you threw when we got to Cindy's today because we weren't getting an aspirin fast enough for you! Every time you have a pain in your chest or a twinge in your left arm, you're ready for the paramedics 'cause you think you're having a stroke or heart attack! You worry more about your health than anyone I know!"
"Well, it does bother me when I have those chest pains and pains in my arm...." and then she went on to tell me all about her mini strokes and her angina and you name it. I can't help but be skeptical about a doctor saying she has has all these "mini" strokes and suffers from angina without prescribing anything for it!
Everyone has tingles in their chest and arms after a coughing spell. It is NOT a stroke or a heart attack. She is always having muscle spasms from moving a different way because she sits in a chair all day and lies on her bed all night and doesn't use 90% of those muscles so of course they cramp when she reaches for something. But in her mind, every time she has a flutter she's having an attack of some sort.
But she isn't worried about dying ......
Thing is, she probably WILL outlive Kathy. and the rest of us too!!!!! :u |
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| kathy |
Posted on 25-03-2008 20:46
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Posts: 52
Joined: 23.10.07
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so did she say what i was going to die from and when i'll die |
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| auntbob |
Posted on 25-03-2008 22:02
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Posts: 265
Joined: 26.11.07
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Naw. I said you would die from sheer meanness.
Love ya! :e |
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| auntbob |
Posted on 28-03-2008 21:41
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Posts: 265
Joined: 26.11.07
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Mom is 87 and has every excuse in the world for being senile. I, however, am only in my 50's and have no excuse at all.
But I'm starting to wonder which of us is the more demented? I supposedly know better, but Tuesday night, I get so worried about Dan and if he was coming back to the house for the night, that I call him on his work phone! What WAS I thinking?????? The guy has been on his own for almost 10 years and I'm calling to see if he is coming home to sleep that night? I can't believe it!
I'll ask Dave a question and then probably not 5 minutes go by before I'm asking him again. I know I already asked him whatever. I just can't remember what he answered!
This past week Mom has been at Kathy's (thank you SO much, Sissy!!!). Dave took her over on Tuesday and will pick her up Monday morning. By Thursday, I actually met the production standard that is expected of me at work, did NOT have any sleepy attacks and felt .... well ........ GOOD for the first time in weeks! Today, I once again did the amount of work that I'm supposed to do. I was focused, felt rested and actually performed the way the bosses at Blue Cross expect an examiner to perform. It has made me realize how out of control I am letting myself get over an old woman who can't help the way she behaves most of the time. I CAN help the way I behave, and it's about time I started doing that!
What is even worse, when Mom is here, she refuses to go anywhere or do anything. She won't even let us take her out for dinner on the weekends! At Kathy's it sounds like she has skates on her butt. They have been out and about every day this week. They've gone shopping, out to eat, visiting ..... I am amazed!
Obviously, Mom behaves entirely differently with me. I'm not sure how to correct this situation, since I am at work all day and only home a couple of hours in the evening before bed time. I'm thinking of having Dave take me to work a couple of times each week and then telling her I want her to come with him when he comes to pick me up in the evening.
It has been almost intolerable about here since Christmas, and I'm beginning to believe it may not be Mom's fault after all.
When I named this Diary of Dementia I may have been being more accurate that I realized! It may be MY diary after all!!!! Sheesh!
:u |
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| auntbob |
Posted on 30-03-2008 19:43
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Posts: 265
Joined: 26.11.07
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Mother has been at Kathy's all week and Dave and I have enjoyed a political - free week. Dave says the election is why the siblings out west do not want Mom until after Thanksgiving (if then). She really gets worked up.
When I was a tiny tot (from 2 - 3 yrs old) Mom, my two oldest sisters and I lived in "The Projects" in Portland, Oregon. We were the only whities on the block. Our next door neighbor was a truly beautiful woman named Edie and her son Martin. Edie was Mom's best friend and I adored Martin. Their darks skins meant nothing to me. Martin was old enough to go to school 'cause I only got to play with him a little while in the evenings and on weekends. He was my "BFF" ......
Imagine my shock when Mother tells me that we all need to make sure Mr. Obama does not become President. "He'll take all the jobs away from the whites and the only people who will have work will be the colored people. We'll lose everything. He'll give the country over to the colored's and we'll be thrown in the streets with nothing."
"Mom! Not even the President of the United States could do that. And when did you start hating the blacks?"
"It's got nothing to do with me hating black people!" she says. "It's that OBomber! He'll give the country to the colored people and us whites won't be left with anything!"
"Mom! Stop saying things like that! I never knew you were so prejudiced. You're sounding like a racist!"
"I'm not prejudiced! But you mark my words! That OBomber gets elected and the colored people will take over the country. You just wait and see."
This was early in the primaries. With each caucus or primary she becomes more incensed about "that OBomber" . We can hear her in her room yelling at the TV set calling Mr. OBama all sorts of things (Big Liar!!! is a favorite), until she works herself up so much she is shaking and gasping for breath!
She keeps lecturing us that we need to watch all the news reports and speeches and debates because we need to know who to vote for. Well, we know whom we MUSTN'T vote for.........
Mr. OBama, please lose ..... if you win it will kill Mama! |
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| auntbob |
Posted on 02-04-2008 07:37
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Posts: 265
Joined: 26.11.07
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Mama went shopping while she was at Kathy's. I'm glad Dave went alone in the Geo to get her 'cause I'm not sure it would have all fit in the vehicle if I'd been with him.
We now have another case of V-8 Juice stacked on the kitchen floor, a case of slim jims, a case of tuna, more asparagus ....... I can't remember all the stuff she had for me to find some place to put when I got home Monday night.
Mama claims she has this obsession w/hoarding food because she was raised during the depression. All I know is my pantry, shelves, and a good portion of my kitchen floor now has her stock pile for "when we need it." When the whole 2000 new year panic was in full swing, she tried to buy enough stuff to live on for a year. Right now I feel as if we have enough non-perishable food to feed a small third world country for at least a month.
I'm afraid to ask what she now has hidden away in her room. Last time I checked, she had crackers, sardines, oysters, tuna, corned beef hash ..... she keeps bringing out little tidbits and then scurrying back to her hidey hole to put them back away.
When asked why she thinks we need to keep so much of this stuff stockpiled, her answer varies...... you never know when the banks are going to close and nobody will have any money..... when the rapture happens we won't be able to buy food (if there IS a rapture, I really hadn't planned on being Left Behind anyway ) ....... what if we have a flood/tornado/hurricane/blizzard/etc. and can't get out of the house for a month ....... what if we lose electricity for a month (I really do pay the bill, but what if????)
And finally .... what if that OBOMBER becomes president ??????????
Oh well. As long as she has her stash, she's happy with that part of her life ...... :k |
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| noelle |
Posted on 02-04-2008 11:47
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Posts: 47
Joined: 02.10.07
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Next time you should tell her that when she's at Kathy's, she buys food for Kathy's... When she's with you guys, THEN she can buy food for when she's with you... It will get her out of the house with you, let you monitor/restrict what she buys, and maybe you can get some gas money out of it or something? |
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| kansaswolf |
Posted on 02-04-2008 13:08
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Posts: 403
Joined: 25.10.07
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Okay, the line about the rapture made me laugh... Heh... Good point! |
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| kathy |
Posted on 02-04-2008 17:47
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Posts: 52
Joined: 23.10.07
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nibbles u can't control grandma in a store if she wants it she is going to get it and don't worry she has a stash of can goods here also. as for politics u mention a republican and sh**t hits the fan so its a win lose situation |
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| auntbob |
Posted on 02-04-2008 19:51
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Posts: 265
Joined: 26.11.07
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Yeppers! Mama is a Democrat -- as is just about every other senior citizen I know. Except my oldest sibling, Betty. She and her hubby have MONEY so they are Republicans!!!! :e
And Kathy is right. NO ONE tells Mama what she can and cannot buy! Yeah! Let's all laugh in unison at the very thought of telling Mama she can't buy more food!
Really, if you think about it, Mama is being awfully nice to be providing a stash for those who are Left Behind!!!! Of course, if I don't start being nicer, I may be one of 'em! :u |
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